Mirror, Mirror

What if you woke up tomorrow and didn't recognize yourself in the mirror? What if someone told you that some of your reality isn't true, only you have to figure out which parts are real and which aren't? What if you lived each day sometimes feeling like yourself, but other times this unexpected, paralyzing wave washed over you, unpredictably and inexplicably? What if you felt you could no longer trust your voice, your thoughts, or your feelings? What if your every decision hinged on taking into account this demon, from your sleep schedule to your job to having a baby to where you go to just how much you can mange? What if you lost yourself and didn't know how to figure it out, when it would end, who could help you, or who might understand?

About two months ago, I asked my Facebook friends to comment on what mental illness feels like for them. My Facebook friends are not clients of mine and never have been. They are my family, they are colleagues, and they are friends I've known all my life. In short, they are the people that I love. And they have been touched by mental health, and they are willing to speak out. You won't know their names, but this is what they have to say. The bold-faced quotes are the voices of my contributors.

On stigma and feeling alone:

"Mental health is hiding who I really am.  People don’t understand. People don’t care to understand."

" It means I have to be stronger than I feel, so many days of my life."

"It feels like even after all this time, I don't always know myself and that feels so scary." 

"I can say for myself - the stigma attached to mental health is heartbreaking because it's not 'visible.'"

On loving someone with a mental illness:
 
"I hate feeling like I can't always help them and I feel guilty for feeling so frustrated."

"When you realize someone close to you is suffering from a mental illness you experience both relief for finding a reason for their actions and sadness all at the same time. You know it is possible for them to feel better at some point with treatment, but you wish you had known how to help them sooner. You also know it is going to be a long road of ups and downs that require patience."

On facing obstacles:

"... a reminder that something in my past, something so profound, has shook me to the core of who I am and has altered the person I am and worse, the person I could have become."  

And on recovery:

"I've learned that I'm no longer going to hide my issues because so many people have a mental health issue in some way or another."

"I've been more honest with people about my condition because just because I may have these "issues", it doesn't mean that I'm contagious, can't function, can't love or do anything that people consider 'normal'."

"It has taken some time, and sometimes the scale still tips a bit far to one side, but I have learned how to better balance wellness and productivity."


"My mental health issues will never go away. I will never be healed. There is no cure. But there is always my choice to live life the way I want to and I sure as hell am going to choose to live a good one."

Mental illness is invisible, misunderstood, stigmatized, and terrifying. Most importantly, it's no one's fault. I want everyone to understand not only what research and textbooks tell us, but what it feels like to experience and witness. I want all of us to fight it and win. I want to win with effective treatments, proper and accessible medical care, and most importantly, with ending stigma.

People can't choose their brain chemistry any more than they can pick their eye color. With proper treatment, we know brain chemistry can change. Be a voice of encouragement, be understanding and educated, and be a friend.

You can be smarter than the stigma.

Clean Out

I recently uninstalled Facebook from my phone. As much as I value my connection to friends online, I realized I don't want to be tied to it twenty-four hours a day. Checking it once or twice per day is sufficient for me to maintain my friendships and read news or articles of interest, and prohibits my attention being divided throughout my day.

It's going along with some reorganizing and simplifying that I'm doing at the moment- physically and mentally. Some things are getting donated, given to friends, or sold. For me, this process is completely tied to how I feel emotionally. It gives me a clear mind to think, refocus, and reconnect with the people and things that are important to me and my well-being. It feels like a complete shift of perspective, which we all need at times to flourish.

What can you eliminate? It can be physical, emotional, or mental. Perhaps you realize you have some distorted thought patterns that are counterproductive to your recovery. Maybe a thought pattern or list of thoughts is making it difficult to process an event, situation, or relationship. Sometimes we get stuck in a rut without noticing, and it requires a conscious choice to let it go. Sometimes, we all need a Clean Out. Clean out space, clean up our thoughts, clean through our emotions. Stay current and try to let old things go. Check all your emotional baggage from the past. If you need it at a later time, you can easily recall it- but there's no need to walk around with it every day. It's the difference between a checked bag and a carry on; it all belongs to you, if you choose. Our brains can easily get cluttered just like our living spaces, and we need to take some time to clear them out.

Take notice of the way you talk to yourself. Pay attention to your thoughts. Are you being kind and forgiving, or harsh and critical? You have a choice, each and every day, to be your own caring and compassionate best friend and biggest ally. Be realistic in your expectations of yourself, and don't expect something unrealistic from your personality or something outside your goals. Clear the clutter from your physical space as well as your mind. Know when you need to recuperate and be open minded about trying different strategies. Check all your past emotional baggage. Instead of remembering how someone hurt you, for example, do I what I call "bottom line" it. Bottom line it down to the big picture- "I can't talk to this person about politics, but they're a good friend otherwise and we have fun" and leave it at that. Clear the clutter, the extras, and the unhelpful.

Take notice of what may be superfluous or counterproductive within your mind and your physical space.  You risk nothing by trying, and the benefits are many- focus, clarity, and freedom.