The Voice of Reason

"Logic is the beginning of wisdom, not the end." -Leonard Nimoy

For those of you living with a mood disorder, or if you are at all sensitive to stress and anxiety, you know that at times we lose our rational thought process.  I call this losing my voice of reason. Personally, a good analogy is the morning before I put on my glasses. Large objects are okay, but smaller things are blurry and I couldn't see well enough to drive safely. My brain sort of feels this way when I lose my voice of reason-things take me longer to process and require more energy. Cognitive distortions are based on this very concept, that we as humans do not always see things as they are. To some degree, we all do this-it only becomes pathological when we do it more often than not and it interferes with our daily functioning. 

Part of what we work on in therapy is to try as hard as possible to keep and develop the voice of reason. There are many ways to do this, but we can also work outside of the therapy office to improve this for ourselves. Here are some things I keep in mind for myself when stress is starting to compound:

Keep a schedule. 
It's amazing how fast we forget our usual routine when we don't feel our best. These are the times when I convince myself that it's okay to skip the gym because I have errands to run, but I'm always sorry later when I feel more stressed. Have a written schedule that you make when you feel good so you can refer to it when you're not. I call it a "loose" schedule, because you want to leave yourself extra time for things that may take longer than planned.  For instance, if I only budget myself a fifteen minute block to complete two tasks (which is not enough time if I'm stressed) I run out of time which leads to MORE stress! The exact opposite of what I want. I usually take the time I think I'm going to need and double it just to be safe.

Keep your expectations low to reasonable.

I am the person who takes on too much, and often thinks, "how bad could it be?"  As I get older, I see that the answer to that question can sometimes be, "pretty awful." When we start to lose the voice of reason that helps to "check" us, we can get in over our head, which again, leads to more stress. This is another one of those negative feedback loops that leads to the exact result we are trying to avoid, so it helps to head it off before it can get going. Setting small goals that we are relatively sure we can reach feels much better than falling short of a lofty idea that we can't seem to tackle.

Develop a trusted support system. 
I know this has almost become cliche, but it's truly important have people in your life that understand. They may be be professionals, they may be a support group, or a combination of family and friends or all of the above. Having those individuals in our life who get it, get us-and with whom we can be ourselves-is critical to keeping our voice of reason.

Check it out with others. 
Okay, so we don't want to make it a habit of checking out each and every thing with others and be unable to make decisions without them. I get that. But, it's okay to do this when we don't feel well.  Sometimes we need a little help from a support person when we are worried we can't trust our own voice. A skilled therapist is an obvious choice, but many others can help. As many of you know, what we think may be "intuition" might actually be our distorted, depressive or anxious voice talking! It's easy to mistake one for the other, and we often feel we can't trust our own judgment. So go ahead and bounce some things off of people that you trust when you need it, as long as they have your primary interest at heart-your emotional well-being.

Pretend it's someone else. 
Since it's sometimes easier for us to be rational (even when we're feeling irrational ourselves) with a loved one, pretend the situation you're trying to figure out belongs to them. What would you advise your spouse/mother/sister/friend in your situation? Sometimes that automatically brings our voice of reason back into focus. I use this technique often for myself when I can't talk to someone else. Since I tend to be way more forgiving with others than I am with myself, so this really helps me to see whether I'm being fair to myself and to identify possible solutions. 

Think back on previous situations and identify alternatives.  
This one is tricky, I know, as we never want to look back at mistakes simply to make ourselves feel worse. However, there are times that we can benefit from looking back as long as we don't ruminate, obsess, or allow our past to bring us down. As objectively as possible, think of a past situation and try to figure out what you would do differently and why. This may help you hear your voice of reason in the present more clearly. Something like, "I know that in the past, under stress, I don't tend to make the best decisions, so I'm just going to put off buying a car right now until I feel better." This one actually happened to me, by the way, and now I can say I am NOT the proud owner of a minivan (I'll tell you that story later-it's a good one.) But recognizing that I have that tendency helped me to avoid making another mistake in the present.

Name the irrational voice.
Name it so you have something to talk back to! I like to think of my irrational thought process as "Oz." While it can be quite convincing, it's simply not real. Naming the unhelpful thought process allows me some degree of separation, where I am free to just be irritated, but not swept away in cognitively distorted process that is no longer productive. 

Become a voice of reason for someone else.
Yes. Yes, you can. If you're reading this, I'm willing to bet you're one of the people who gets it, and paying it forward feels amazing. 

Whether you have a mental health diagnosis or not, or you love someone who does, I think all of these techniques are useful in day to day life for many of us. Coming up with our own list of tailor-made strategies to manage life's stresses and surprises can go a long way in our emotional well-being and peace. Know yourself, and you can know how to be well. 

What keeps your voice of reason in focus?

On Perseverance

“Here is a test to find whether your mission on earth is finished: If you're alive, it isn't.”- Richard Bach

Last weekend, we taught my older son to ride a bike.  The bike is his first two wheeled, pedal version and was his fifth birthday present.  I had forgotten what an analogy this process is for life until yesterday, when I came away with fresh (albeit watery) eyes. 

Watching his initial excitement, then frustration, along with his constant getting-back-on reminds me of really sticking with it even when it hurts.  Listening to myself, too, instructing him - “Don’t look down, look where you’re headed” and “You’ve got it, just keep pedaling”, and “Push your feet- push!” and thinking we all need to coach ourselves similarly when things get rough. 

It’s easier sometimes to think of how hard things are.  The difficulties are magnified instead of our progress, our victories overshadowed by suffering and defeat.  We are harder on ourselves than anyone else.  At times, instead of celebrating how we “kept pedaling”, we focus on the scrapes, bruises, and sore muscles.  Somewhere in that space, there lies a balance of acknowledging our injuries, taking a water break, and getting back on the bike.  It’s a space of letting go, forgiving ourselves our faults, and moving on.  A space that little kids can naturally find.

Similarly, we all persevere.  We all keep pedaling, each and every day, no matter what it looks like.  We all keep going through whatever it is we’re going through, with some injuries visible and some not.  Some actual tears and some that are held in our hearts until we are ready to let them go.  But we all keep going, in spite of the obstacles we face- a mood or anxiety disorder, physical illness, difficult relationships or grief from incredible heartbreak. We deserve credit every day for what we do, without clouding it with the “should haves” or “could have been betters”, because it is enough.  We are always enough. We carry onward, even if we don’t know why or where we’re headed.  At times, the load on our back is heavy, but we move forward and through and around if we have to, but we move.  There is sometimes a tangible reward, like learning a new skill, but other times we have no way of knowing why we do it or where we’ll end up.  But we keep at it just like my son on his bike. He kept at it, even when he was hurt, his feet wouldn’t work with his hands, and he was tired.     

I have so much faith in the resilience of the human spirit, because I’ve seen it. You are persevering, right now. Even if you need a water break to stop and do what you need to do, promise to get moving again.  It doesn’t matter that you pause, and it doesn’t matter for how long.  It may not be pretty, it’s certainly not easy, and you might have a tendency to find your faults. Instead, try focus your sights on your effort as opposed to how far or how fast you’re going. Depression or anxiety will try to tell you that you can’t, but you are already doing it. Trust that you will move again when you are ready.  When your feet, hands, and heart are in it again.  You are always enough, even if you don’t think you are, because you are here. 

Today I watched him fly up and down the street, now a competent rider, and I can no longer tell who the teacher really was.

Welcome

Welcome to my blog.  In time, I hope to regularly post on this blog and display it on my website, but as I'm new to all of this, I appreciate your patience.   

I titled this "Take On Mental Health" for two reasons. 

First, I'd like to offer my take on things- some of which may be atypical- and this is a good forum to do that. Pass it along if it appeals to you, and if it doesn't, just pass.

Secondly, it's time to really Take On mental health. It's time to put down our collective feet and stand up to stigma and insist on appropriate resources in our communities.  I want us to insist on skilled practitioners, ethical practices, and good patient care. We need to know our rights and advocate for them. It's time to lift our voices and give life to our stories, millions in number, that make up this industry. It's time to learn, to educate, to inspire.

I hope you'll join me in the discussion. I have things to say and questions to ask, and I would love nothing more than to hear from anyone in the same position. If you have any ideas for topics or things you would like to discuss, you can reach me here. 

Thank you for reading, and please take care.